Praying Naked

Even though I only wanted to escape eternal burning and torture, I know my 11 year old conversion was real, because after, I felt compelled to promise to God that I wouldn’t lie anymore. A handful of years later, when I tried to walk away from my faith, I’d actually become so bad at lying that I had to intentionally practice.

I always believed honesty was the best policy: withhold nothing. But truths can lose their significance and feelings change, so it isn’t always wise to unwrap everything. We can give “honesty” just as a way to cut people, with no desire for reconciliation. Because of this, I’ve been thinking of the proverb that calls it wisdom to conceal something, rather than separating close friends.

I know it is partly due to my Enneagram 4 personality to intensely crave authenticity. Sometimes I need to let that go, and grow in this area. Not everything needs to be out on the table all the time.

Because, it isn’t safe to be honest with all people. Sometimes your secret is dismissed as insignificant. Pearls trampled.

Sometimes it’s one-sided. People will expect your vulnerability even though they withhold.

And sometimes, it’s held against you forever. Your honesty will not be forgiven. Picture a doctor who makes a mistake, or the first person to be sorry in a fender bender.

I am as quick to apologize as I am to be honest. And I’ve been told females apologize more. And of course it’s always that question, nature or nurture? When I think about the weird passage in 1st Timothy chapter 2, how a woman should remain quiet—because Adam was formed first and Eve was deceived—I assume women have been apologizing since the fall. Even though man was not deceived (he willfully disobeyed) his first reaction was to cast blame on woman. So our go-to from childhood is, “Sorry about everything, boys. What else can I do to make it easier for you to not sin?”

Joking aside, it isn’t safe to be truthful with all people. But with a warning, admitting that you were wrong is a path to mutual healing when you have actually wronged someone. (If you’ve been wronged, you can heal without them.)

Honesty for honesty’s sake

One thing for sure, our God is not in the business concealing sin without dealing with it. So I definitely don’t mean withholding justice. But that isn’t the same as honesty for honesty’s sake. I heard author Tiffany Bluhm speak this year and she said, “Justice is what love looks like in public.”

There was a book I read a few years ago called Three Kings. It talked about the different ways of handling sin in leadership of your church. It compared Saul, David and Absalom. Basically, it said to not touch the Lord’s anointed. To be like David, and let God remove Saul.

I agree with the book because God did remove Saul. But I disagree in that God didn’t keep David silent or Saul’s sins covered while he did it. The book indicates that God should do the exposing. Too often, people have tried to protect the image of God, or the image of church, by hiding things. If you think you need to protect, falsify, or coverup sin in the body—then you’re either the petri dish or the cancer.

I am honest in my blog and fiction writing, even though it bites me sometimes, because I more frequently hear how helpful and healing it is to others. Certainly, more damage has been done in the church by hiding how we really feel and think and act. So, I press on and work through my reoccurring dream connected to writing: I’m in a crowded public place and need to relieve myself, usually, diarrhea. Typically, I’m desperately looking for a private place. Also typically, the only thing available is a widely exposed toilet where everyone can watch. I wake wondering, how much of my crap should I show?

I’m still working that out.

Laying yourself bare

Before I accidentally deleted my blog, a short post with this same name (Praying Naked) was the most popular on my site. I’ve added several thoughts as I’m now more prone to look at things from multiple angles. Ten years ago, when I first wrote it, someone had told me that I should never pray naked… he said it was especially disrespectful doing something base, such as using the toilet. I guess, because of poop.

I bristled right away. But I wasn’t sure why. Women don’t actually have as much luxury as men for privacy. Even sex is more invasive and intrusive. Pregnancy means you share everything, not just your body with another human. Because sometimes you share it with whoever wants to be part of the miracle by touching you. Doctors are always up inside your business. And then when you give birth, your body will be put on a pedestal for others to watch. You’ll be laying on your back so it’s easier for them to see. And during delivery, sometimes, you poop.

While I discussed that warning to not pray on the toilet, my son told me something he’d read. It was you stimulate a heart change if you physically humble yourself before God.

Basically, the point was to kneel when you pray so get the most out of it. As a result, my son said rarely had time to pray, correctly. I guess the infirm would be out of luck.

Here’s the danger for teachers: humans love dogma and a repeatable self-help path. There seems to be a hope in formulas that might bypass the struggle of faith, with zero sacrifice, and with results one can replicate. The person who found that heart change by kneeling might have had a sincere experience. Maybe also did the man who told me to never do something base while talking to God.

But, I’ve had Norovirus. Anyone who’s had that, dysentery or hepatitis has prayed on the toilet.

Even though mankind started off naked, the idea does come from somewhere. There were laws regarding nakedness in the Old Testament. For example, the last verse of exodus 20, warns them not to expose their privates to the temple steps while they walk up them.

I think the point of laws like that were to make us realize who we approach. God Almighty should induce a little fearful awe. Mount Sinai could not be touched without penalty. The law had to come to do that.

It shouldn’t stay there though. We now approach Mount Zion through Christ. You can call out to God, even with a gross body. You do not need to get dressed and move to your knees, be healed from infections, and then stoically place your palms together. You don’t need to get your shit together first.

The ridiculous idea of needing to cover your nakedness to be presentable to God is worse than missionaries trying to decorate their proselytes in their home fashion. Hiding your baseness from God is your own version of fig leaves, of covering up your own sin. There was a fig tree I loved to climb as a girl. But the leaves were itchy—I couldn’t stand them against my skin. There might be different varieties of fig trees, but the thought of covering my nakedness before God stays with me as a second-rate, hydrocortisone option.

Of course, if this intent is misconstrued, some might think I advocate irreverence. Or that we shouldn’t bow before him. I think if we had a clear picture about what was happening during prayer, we wouldn’t even go to our knees. We’d fall to our face.

We should have reverence. Hebrews 5:7 says Jesus’s prayers were answered because of it. But a few chapters before that Hebrews 4:13-16 says no creature is hidden from his sight. All of us are naked and exposed. Nevertheless, he is a high priest who understands our weakness and we are told to draw near with confidence to receive mercy, grace and help.

No creature is hidden from his sight, naked and exposed

It’s silly to withhold anything from him, even the unsightly functions of the human body. A young woman once shared with me that the comment about not speaking to God while you went potty felt so oppressive, it broke her heart. Because, in her busy life, the toilet was the only minute she had alone with God each day. It is interesting that the Bible mentions not even nakedness can separate us from him.

A book that ministered to me a few years ago was the Liturgy Of the Ordinary by Tish Harrison Warren. It includes a pretty visceral prayer:

“Observant Jews use a prayer called the Asher Yatzar, which they recite after using the bathroom. Blessed are You, Hashem our God, King of the universe, Who formed man with wisdom and created within him many openings and many hollows. It is obvious and known before Your Throne of Glory that if even one of them ruptures, or if even one of them becomes blocked, it would be impossible to survive and to stand before You (even for a short period). Blessed are You, Hashem, Who heals all flesh and acts wondrously.”

The most powerful prayer warriors I know don’t worry too much about how to approach the God they dearly love. My two prayer partners arrive often and entitled, knowing God will hear them, trusting their father so much that they don’t need him to do what they ask in order to continue in faith. Often because they were told to pray without ceasing and entitled because they believe that they can boldly approach the throne of grace.

Tradition teaches us to bow our heads and get on our knees. Jesus lifted his eyes. Keep in mind it is the condition of your heart which is important—not yoga poses or deciduous matter on your privates.

Remember who you approach: God Most High. Remember why you approach him: Christ made it possible.

Beyond that, I doubt God is any more fazed by your baseness than impressed with your lovely new outfit.

Just as I am

There is a deep need to be known fully and accepted fully. The possibility of the first and not the second, motivates both unneeded honesty and shame. What we are ultimately searching for though, is to have complete naked vulnerability before God. To pray without any shame or anything covered between you and him.

Sometimes it just seems more real when the exposure and acceptance comes from others.

Just make sure it is the right amount of exposure to the right person. Because, I don’t see God’s solution to our sin as returning to the garden nakedness when we go to heaven. Not everything needs to be laid bare to everyone.

Even though nakedness and the tree of life started off our story—the next time we eat of the tree we will be covered in white robes. Figurative or literal? I don’t know, but lift up your eyes and do not be ashamed. Your nakedness is fully seen, known and accepted. He’s got you covered.