My husband and I are reading “The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry.” One night, we came across a phrase that made both of us pause—but we’d had very different reactions.
The phrase was “Hurry is a form of violence on the soul.”
Immediately, I wanted to underline it. I consider words valuable if they create emotion and imagery. Valuable doesn’t necessarily mean true to me. I liked the gut-punch. My husband blocked it. He wasn’t going to decide its validity unless it was quantified. Fortunately, the rest of the chapter did go on to describe.
Violence to the soul, in the case of the book’s argument, killed several things your soul needs. Relationships. Joy. Wisdom. Spirituality. And, it ultimately destroys your soul by killing all that we hold dear.
Hurry is hardly the only thing impacting our souls.
The word of God is one of more powerful things I’ve experienced in my soul. Usually it is the main conduit of healing. People bring shame and the gospel brings freedom when we “rightly divide” truth. Scripture is also powerful for the protection of your soul, and described as a sword, useful for offensive-defense in the armor of God.
Offensive-offense
But I usually see the gospel used differently. Cutting through lies is not the same as cutting people.
Sometimes, the children of God play in the safe and walk around with a sharpened sword of truth irresponsibly. We jab without remorse, to justify our own actions, or to control others.
Hence: Spiritual Trauma and Spiritual Abuse.
The first time I tried to control someone by their soul was when I wanted to tell my sister what to do. I said to her “a fool rejects counsel.” Actually, I said it to her back when she rejected my counsel. And I was serious. I now see it as more sinister than I did at the time. I really thought that everything dripping from my mouth was wisdom from above, since I feared God.
Obeying me is obeying your God
Laws are only useful against actions you can catch. Better to make someone believe they have to obey. If you don’t have to fight someone’s internal conviction, your goals are easier. Think of a parent praying with their children, “Please Lord, make these kids honor you, by obeying me, and go to sleep very quickly without getting up and asking for a glass of water, thereby profaning your name.”
Or a father yelling, “The Bible says to honor your father!”
A slave owner telling the slave to “work as unto the Lord, even with a harsh master like me.”
A husband justifying non-consensual intercourse because “the Bible says, ‘Your body is not your own.’”
A wife telling her husband he isn’t “washing her in the Word,” he isn’t loving her as Christ loved the church.
Anyone telling you, “God HATES divorce.”
Someone who calls you back to pray with them because they don’t want you leaving on your terms.
And basically anybody who justifies hurting you because, after all, “Paul did the things he didn’t want to do, either.”
How do you know it’s abuse?
These are only examples—it’s never beneficial to seek a fully inclusive, all encompassing definition of abuse. If you try to delineate all instances, something will slip by.
You know it though, when it causes violence to your soul.
If you have experienced any of these, it probably felt traumatic. Doing or saying one doesn’t make you or someone else an abuser, though.
A marker of abuse is that it is a pattern. The situation is different if it is persistent and pervasive.
Which is why repentance actually involves stopping the behavior.
The Sawdust and the Plank
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve sat in church and thought, “So and so totally needs to hear this.” Conviction stings. And sometimes it cuts deep. But, deflecting the injury to someone else is not the solution.
Which is so difficult. Because this Christian thing is supposed to be done in community. It’s our culture that wants a private, isolated faith.
But, letting someone else control you with scripture…that’s gonna leave a mark. Cult leaders always quote scripture better than you. Don’t be too impressed by it, or manipulated into continuing to suffer. You better make sure it’s God’s will for you to enable someone to continue sinning while you make excuses for them to never return to the Lord.
Scripture is not the thing to fear—assuming you get the gist of the Bible and letting others fill in blanks is the danger.
Scripture is for you. It is for you to measure yourself and let it change your heart. It is for the Holy Spirit to reshape your life.
It is also for you to weigh the motives and view the results of other people’s actions—before you allow them into your sanctum, or make pie with the fruit of their life.
It is, at times, for the fearful responsibility of teaching others. Namely, when they are seeking it out from you.
It is not for you to control others. Because no matter how much you memorize it, your heart might not be full of pure motivations. Your heart certainly doesn’t have all the information about them or God’s plan for them.
As Lisa Terkeurst pointed out in the book I can’t stop referring to (Good Boundaries and Goodbyes): the first sin happened after the enemy misquoted God’s words for his own purpose. And twisting scripture was the primary weapon Satan used against Christ when he tempted him in the desert.
So be careful anytime you feel like someone needs to see a scripture because you want a change in their life. Whether it’s taping up a verse on the fridge for your roommate, or texting unsolicited snippets to your grandchild.
A prophecy of Christ’s coming was: “a bruised reed he will not break and a faintly burning wick he will not snuff out,” so why do we justify using scripture like a weapon: two to the chest and one to the head?
Go to scripture for healing, let it guard you. Work on the plank. When people see YOUR thriving and victorious life, they may ask about the reason. Then, you can show them where the arsenal is.
This is clarifying and healing on so many levels. Thank you.