Tag: church-hurt

Blessed is Everyone Who Eats Bread in the Kingdom of God

Posted on by Hilarey

The first time I heard the scripture in Matthew 7:21-23, I quickly applied it to others. In subsequent readings, it unsettled me. I’ve come to a place where it keeps me company with a content sort of fear and trembling. I don’t get it, but I accept it. It goes:

“Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. On that day many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?’ And then will I declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.'”

I mean, if someone is performing dead works and doesn’t know God—they realize they’re a fake, right? Apparently not, if they say “Lord” and are surprised when they don’t get to enter heaven.

One method I used during the “it must apply to a different flavor of Christianity than mine” season, was to lump whole denominations into the story. There were surely more chosen in my denomination…otherwise I’d switch (non)denominations. So, it must be the ecumenical Baptists because they let everyone in. Or maybe it’s the Southern Baptists because they don’t let anyone in—even light.

It doesn’t apply to me

Have you ever sat in a sermon thinking about someone who needed it more than you? When I consider this, it’s funny to assume that something which separates my bone and marrow will cut someone else the same. If there were catchphrases which always reaped the lost, we wouldn’t need the word to be living.

Blessed Assurance

Don’t get me wrong, we shouldn’t be insecure about our salvation. We can have an anchor for the soul if we continue in the faith and submit to sanctification. So maybe that passage in Matthew applies to the “one and done prayer” people who think repeating Roman’s Road after someone else negates all other inner spiritual transformation…

Maybe it applies to me

I’m only kidding to point out that it’s difficult to sit and let every bit of the message be personal. It’s easier to separate ourselves and think in terms of “us” and “them” when we read things like that section in Matthew or the parable of 10 virgins. No one expecting to go to the feast wants to be locked out. It feels a little like self preservation to define who is/will be on the outside. But dismissing this story too quickly offers temporal feelings of safety at best. And at worst, it might put you on the wrong side of a locked door.

I’m writing this post especially to believers who feel outside—unwelcome in church. The people who have separated you as “them” might just be afraid to internalize warnings in scripture. It is to a Bible reader’s detriment to accept the many promises in the New Testament without acknowledging how much of it is believer-correction and believer-warning.

I’m intrigued how often I hear the sentiment from a scholar, “There are many interpretations of this passage,” and then from a layperson, “Two things can’t be true and I know what this incomplete sentence in the King James Bible means, so you’re wrong.”

It is also to our detriment to merely collect information. “What does the Bible say about that?!” Then fortify the walls around our understanding of doctrine so we never feel the painful disruption of Christ changing us.

Everyone is invited

When a man exclaimed in Luke 14, “Blessed it is everyone who eats bread in the kingdom,” Jesus replied with another parable. The scene is a landowner who has prepared a feast and wants his tables filled. The invitees give excuses why they cannot come:

Buying a field
Managing the necessities to work it
Getting married

Buy dirt and find your soul mate (or at least someone who turns you on) is American, not biblical. Even though we were told to be fruitful and multiply, and land and kids are a good way to secure your earthly future, they are not what we were made for. The house and kids package is not inherently righteous or unrighteousness.

But rather, it seems to be a distraction from the actual landowner’s kingdom-invitation: to feast in heaven with outcasts.

Citizenship and progeny

Let not the foreigner who has joined himself to the LORD say, “The LORD will surely separate me from his people”; and let not the eunuch say, “Behold, I am a dry tree.” Isaiah 56:3.

Some impact is lost if your Bible translation says stranger, foreigner, or sojourner. All languages change, but English, especially, is a moving target. If you use relevant terms like migrant farm worker, or “illegal” (undocumented immigrant) you’ll sit up a little straighter when you read the Old Testament. Because I don’t know any strangers, but I do know immigrants.

Eunuch is another term that doesn’t live in our modern vernacular. You don’t hear many people talking about a life of celibacy. Of course, that might be because if anyone said they planned to live a life of celibacy, most (Protestant) churchgoers would correct them, “You mean, you’re still waiting for God to bring you a mate.” Or, if someone says they are celibate-gay, the latter part typically overshadows the calling.

Jesus mentions intersex, people who have had their sexuality ruined by others and people who simply choose celibacy in Matthew 19:12, “For there are eunuchs who were born that way, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by others—and there are those who choose to live like eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it.”

I was told there would be bread here?

We should give even more contemplation to the promises given to the foreigner and the eunuch in Isaiah 56 because it seems to highlight two big controversies in American churches. Immigrants and celibate-gay/people who can’t or won’t have sex. I like the NIV title added for chapter 56. “Salvation for Others.”

The Other

Specifically, the one without a land or a people who joins themself to the Lord will be brought to the holy mountain (you know the place—everyone is fighting over it) and permitted into the house of prayer.

Specifically, the one who has given their sexuality to God, who holds tight His covenant, will have a monument within God’s house that surpasses sons and daughters.

Buying land
Managing your stuff
Getting married

It is the “them” or “other” who enters God’s sabbath rest that will be gathered with the chosen Isreal.

But regardless of whether you identify in the “us” or “them” group, let anyone who thinks that they stand take heed, lest they fall.

Tramplin’ all the way. Ha Ha. Ha.

Posted on by Hilarey

Are your nativities put away and your Christmas cleaned up?

If you were a Christian in the 90s, you may remember a saying, “If it became illegal to be a Christian, would there be enough evidence to convict you?”

Maybe from that idea came the surplus of Christian bumper stickers, art and other swag. We decorated our cars and clothing with symbols and stickers. Consumerism to prove loyalty… to get that conviction.

But there’s a difference between marketing Christianity and obeying Christ.

Let your god flag fly

Waving and saluting the Christian flag… raising a religious banner before your army… making sure to point out to the lost that you are on the narrow path… or letting the brethren know you are on a “slightly narrower” path might get you convicted when Christianity becomes illegal—but I’m not convinced that’s the judgement seat we should be concerned about.

Psalms says my salvation and my honor depend on God. I like this verse because of course we are concerned about salvation, but we want to hide that we’re also concerned about honor. Our honor depends on God, not on how God looks. Not on him seeming to be victorious before his return.

The narrower path

I was once told that you can’t take stuff to heaven, only people. But that’s untrue. You can’t bring people—not if they don’t want to go.

Imagine your son telling you, “I know you would choose your God over me.” I don’t think that’s necessarily easier to hear when he has a strong, bearded jaw than when he has chubby, kissable cheeks.

Yet, if that becomes the choice, Christ said he came to divide families.

Though none go with me

How do you choose Christ over mother, brother, child… without steamrolling or trampling everyone in your path?

All I can think in regards to displaying your faith is: Christian! Christ does not stomp the downtrodden. When we have an agenda that tramples, we find a way to inject that agenda in every sentence.

So how do you share if you can’t even talk to your children or grandchildren about God because they think you’re unfair, insensitive, exclusive? Lyrics from one of my most listened to songs last year says, “The best way to be heard sometimes is not to make a sound.” The Audreys

Innocent until proven a believer

I know we are scared to deny Jesus because he will deny us. Sometimes silence is denial, but sometimes it is wisdom. When Jesus was asked by Pilate, “Are you the King of the Jews?”, he answered, “It is as you say.”

But when Herod questioned him, he “answered him nothing.” Luke 23:1-12

You don’t have to chase anyone down screaming Merry Christ-mas. Not just because the holidays are over, but because the culture war you are commissioned to fight is within your own body.

Sometimes silence is denial, but sometimes it is wisdom.

On the Floor, Not at the Table

Posted on by Hilarey

Originally posted October 22, 2023

A man once told me he would have become a Christian sooner if it hadn’t for some of the Christians he knew before he was saved. Specifically, one arrogant person turned him off from wanting to know God. I tremble sometimes, to think of the people I may have turned off in my arrogance, in my floundering that looked like arrogance when I put up a good front faking… Or in my sincerity when they weren’t in a place to hear all the words I have to say about God.

The religious are usually a joke in the media, but it’s an old (pre-pandemic) complaint to dismiss Jesus because of his (professed) followers. And I hear often enough that you only find true acceptable outside the church—because Christians are ignorant sheep and judgemental hypocrites, so Jesus must be a weirdo, too.

If the crazies of an organization were the sole reason not to join ranks, we wouldn’t have any Republicans or Democrats because of the outlying eccentrics. You know—the caricatures who always get highlighted by the opposing side so that your reasoning shuts down, stimulating your flight, fight or freeze response, and to promote better ratings.

I also think we “gooey-touchy-feel” accepted in an echo chamber, so we assume relationships only deepen with commonalities. Agreement is so affirming. The strange thing about being part of the body of Christ is that it merges violently different people into one new group. There is no truer acceptance than in the presence of the God who loves you. The uniquely created, broken you. But that acceptance is in God’s presence, not in a physical location like a church building, and not in a crowd of strangers—no matter what they profess.

There are a couple of things going on in the church environment which cause friction in the “already-but-not-yet” evolution of redemption. Sometimes people in the congregation (even the staff) are barely holding it together. If we congregants are still infants drinking milk, never feeding ourselves, we just show up looking for free grace.

We want to be filled-up quickly, by someone else, and leave better off than we came. I know I’ve done that. It makes a pretty draining environment for the ones serving, though.

This is not a healthy body working together, it’s more like a tumor. But hey, tithes pay them to hold their shit together, right? So that’s what we expect.

Also, most people want the fast food version of redemption, not grace for the long-haul. We even want it for ourselves, so we aren’t always honest about what’s going on. And that might be OK sometimes, because the corporate gathering isn’t for weekly mass vulnerability, unless the Spirit moves.

But these things demonstrate more what is wrong with modern western church practice than what is wrong with Christians themselves.

Nevertheless, it hurts so bad to be rejected, or to feel judged by a someone who professes faith. And it is nearly devastating when the cool clique doesn’t invite you to sit at their table.

Who does sit at the table?

It’s my understanding that sitting at a Rabbi’s feet showed a posture of learning. You were their disciple if you sat at there. This is why it was so significant that Mary, a woman, sat at Jesus’ feet instead of tending the home in the Mary/Martha story.

But Jesus and Mary were also friends. You can see how close Christ was with the whole family, because after Lazarus dies, it is when Mary comes running to him he becomes troubled in his spirit. I used to think that Jesus grieved over Lazarus being dead, but when I read this recently, I felt he grieved because of the pain he saw in his friend’s face.

Picture now, Jesus, the 12, and Lazarus reclining together around the table. I’m sure it was a surreal atmosphere to eat with the man who had been dead for four days. Do you watch him swallow? Do you lean forward to see if he smells? Is he still wearing what he died in?

Previously, Mary sat at Christ’s feet. Now, she understands who he is even more than his disciples do. She anoints Jesus for his death with nard. She leans forward and worships him, and it fills the room with perfume instead of the scent of the meal that was prepared. Her hair spills around her face to hide her from the world, and she grabs handfuls intimately enclosing herself at Christ’s feet. John 12:1-7.

And she probably needed to hide and enclose herself. Men crowded the room while she’s on her knees, she doesn’t belong there. One of them calls out a rebuke. We skim over that when we read it now—because, “Oh, that’s just Judas. He was the betrayer. He was pilfering from the money box. His rebuke was not painful.”

But picture it then, before retrospect legitimized her private worship. Judas was one of the inner circle, one of the chosen 12. She is on the floor as a church leader publicly shames her. And yeah, what about the poor? Why is she so extravagant?

When we shrink back because a religious person has done something damaging toward us, we shouldn’t forget that they could be Judas. They could be refusing every chance to repent while a field of blood waits in their future. Who are we to know?

Your healing, your legitimacy, your sanctification… comes from God. Not his followers. And when we have it, we should seek to contribute to the body, not wait in line for free milk.

Two things

I had to wrestle with this recently. How do I worship God? Is it with the world blocked out, or with one ear tuned to what Judas is saying?

And second, there is a way to identify those who love Jesus—and it isn’t because someone tells you they are a Christian.

“Let me give you a new command: Love one another. In the same way I loved you, you love one another. This is how everyone will recognize that you are my disciples—when they see the love you have for each other.” John 13:34-35.

For Your Viewing Pleasure

Posted on by Hilarey

I remember standing in a bookstore near a signing table and “people-watching” the checkout line. There was a woman covered in tattoos. Not just sleeves, but up into her neck as well, and disappearing down into her shirt.

The man next to me lamented, “Why would a woman do that to herself? Doesn’t she know that doesn’t make her attractive to a man?!” He looked away and shook his head at the shame of it. I glanced back at him, trying to school my face.

I had to bite the inside of my cheek at the joke that a woman wakes up and wonders, “How can I serve the males in this world today, for their viewing pleasure? What would make me most attractive to ALL of them?”

I returned my gaze to the woman and her very obvious girlfriend, who was also tattooed on every bit of exposed skin. I wanted to tell him that neither was interested in attracting men, but I didn’t think that was the place to start after his question.

We needed to back up a bit.

God made woman for man because it was not good for man to be alone, yes. But he did not make all women for him. Or even all women for him to look at. Christ was clear about how not to look at a woman. I think it’s possible this is some of the context when Paul said all woman should have their hair covered. He was telling the church, no one is available to you. They are all covered, have status.

Another time I also endured a man’s complaints about a woman. He’d seen someone who’d surgically altered her butt to gross proportions. He thought no one should be allowed to do that. It wasn’t attractive… to him. I even heard a pastor talk about a movie star with too big of a butt. They were indoctrinated by the emancipated, flat butt era of the seventies and breast augmentation of the eighties. Curvy women without a thigh gap do not look good in miniskirts. Dolls with prepubescent hips and legs do.

If you were “in” in a previous decade, you’re so “out” now.

We women are just as guilty of placing a superficial value on image-bearers of God. An older woman told me recently about a naked demonstration she had accidentally viewed. I looked it up, curious why people would ride bikes without clothing. It was, in part, to protest negative body image. Her ironic commentary? “Some of those people had no business being naked in public!”

Our skin color, body shape, and how we choose to decorate ourselves should not be subject to trending whims of the masses. The masses don’t have independent thought regarding value. They like what they are told. We like what is advertised as beautiful.

If you feel the need to edit your face or figure when you upload a picture, you know what I mean. Looking around the real world you might start to think everyone is ugly. You can’t wait to see screen-worthy faces so you rush home to watch two beautiful people fall in love on camera. In the mirror, you only see flaws.

We miss out on the complexity of the aging process. The uniqueness and the variety of all stages and all humans.

The human that God created and declared “very good.” The human who God delights in. The human who bears his image.

The thing is, you weren’t made for the sole viewing pleasure of the masses.

God did make something for your wonder and viewing pleasure: the world. Although it’s nice when we delight in the beauty of each other—you were made for his viewing pleasure first. And he said it was very good.

My sons, my daughter, my friend—think about that when you look in the mirror. Or when you get a tattoo.

I Am the Church

Posted on by Hilarey

I thought I’d get this blog going again sooner, but I spent the last several months creating a website for our writer’s group and a narrating a new audio book. Now I have more capacity. However, I intend to re-post many of the blogs I accidentally deleted.

If you click on the image and use the affiliate link, I may receive a small commission at no extra cost to you.

Happy Independence Day!

A few months ago, I was visiting with new acquaintances. We were talking about our journeys: raising & launching children, personal faith-walks and church experience. I’ve wondered if you can live this (modern, western Christian) life without church-hurt and religious trauma. Or is it reserved for second-generation Christians—those raised up in it?

Honestly, the tone shifted to blame. We all had been hurt, and had people we dearly loved driven away from the church. Churches injure so many. Christians are judgemental and hypocritical. Organized religion is one mouth and hundreds of ears—not a healthy body. Really, it’s all the church’s fault…

But part way through the conversation, I felt the Spirit say to me: You are the church.

I am the Church.

I changed the topic.

However, after processing it over the past weeks, I can own it. I’m part of the big-C church, corporate body of Christ. Also, I have sat on pews and folding chairs in the little-c local church. In both places, I’ve been wounded. I’ve also been catty, self-absorbed and mislead people about my own dysfunction. Sometimes it was because there was merely a thread holding me together, but sometimes it was just practice. Either way, I have been more concerned about what I wore than what I said, was dismissive and quick to lash out to protect myself instead of others. And…so quick to judge.

It is the way human judgement functions: If I can place fault on someone for their circumstance, then there is a path to prevent those circumstances from happening to me. I can control my destiny.

And being in control is very American. We control our freedom with the second amendment. (Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad we can help God out there.) We control our freedom by “helping” other countries choose their government as it aligns with our world-politic goals, or destroying them when it does not. We control our freedom to consume by pillaging resources, grateful for “the blessing” that we are on the money-side of capitalism.

Yes… I do eat avocados.

I am American.

Freedom is an acceptable idol we lift up in our sanctuary. It probably isn’t a false god if you thank God-Most-High for it. Nationalism is allowable because our forefathers came here for religious freedom. Certainly not societal equalization, and the opportunity to prosper financially.

From one side of the mouth we condemn immigrants to obey the law and from the other, we celebrate when our forefathers did not.

We have independence because we probably fought harder for it than other countries, or at least we did it in the name of God, so He blessed it. We also toss His name into our anthems and pledges. So it’s fine if He shares the throne with our flag—right? We are part of the redeemed. We can look across the ocean at Babylon. And shake our heads. Forgetting one important thing…

Without Christ, I am Babylon.

In the new sanctuary we are attending, the American flag shares the stage with the cross and the Christian flag. I’m very aware it is privilege allowing me to bristle at the equal prominence—while believers under other flags meet in secret, risking life and family.

In part, I am celebrating the freedom that I have taken for granted this week. And I hope you do too. But, I will be keeping two things in mind:

First, a statement from my prayer partner, “Really, do we have any freedom except through Christ?”

And second, something my daughter recently quoted to me. “None of us is free until all of us are free.“

May we not exercise or worship our freedom at the cost of another’s. Hang on—may we not hold anything more dear than Christ.

I heard recently that the Roman Army swore allegiance to Cesar and the gods before entering service. The action was called a sacrament. The early church took a different sacrament of body and blood, and I think much of the political statements in the New Testament are lost in our context.

Patriotism is not holy. Relinquishing freedom as a devoted slave isn’t sweet affection. It is extreme loyalty. So, while we lift up our country and, hand over heart, swear allegiance to it alone, think of one more thing true citizen of heaven:

“Any society whom Babylon’s cap fits must wear it. Any society which absolutizes its own economic prosperity at the expense of others comes under Babylon’s condemnation.”
― Richard Bauckham, The Theology of the Book of Revelation