Are your nativities put away and your Christmas cleaned up?
If you were a Christian in the 90s, you may remember a saying, “If it became illegal to be a Christian, would there be enough evidence to convict you?”
Maybe from that idea came the surplus of Christian bumper stickers, art and other swag. We decorated our cars and clothing with symbols and stickers. Consumerism to prove loyalty… to get that conviction.
But there’s a difference between marketing Christianity and obeying Christ.
Let your god flag fly
Waving and saluting the Christian flag… raising a religious banner before your army… making sure to point out to the lost that you are on the narrow path… or letting the brethren know you are on a “slightly narrower” path might get you convicted when Christianity becomes illegal—but I’m not convinced that’s the judgement seat we should be concerned about.
Psalms says my salvation and my honor depend on God. I like this verse because of course we are concerned about salvation, but we want to hide that we’re also concerned about honor. Our honor depends on God, not on how God looks. Not on him seeming to be victorious before his return.
The narrower path
I was once told that you can’t take stuff to heaven, only people. But that’s untrue. You can’t bring people—not if they don’t want to go.
Imagine your son telling you, “I know you would choose your God over me.” I don’t think that’s necessarily easier to hear when he has a strong, bearded jaw than when he has chubby, kissable cheeks.
Yet, if that becomes the choice, Christ said he came to divide families.
Though none go with me
How do you choose Christ over mother, brother, child… without steamrolling or trampling everyone in your path?
All I can think in regards to displaying your faith is: Christian! Christ does not stomp the downtrodden. When we have an agenda that tramples, we find a way to inject that agenda in every sentence.
So how do you share if you can’t even talk to your children or grandchildren about God because they think you’re unfair, insensitive, exclusive? Lyrics from one of my most listened to songs last year says, “The best way to be heard sometimes is not to make a sound.” The Audreys
Innocent until proven a believer
I know we are scared to deny Jesus because he will deny us. Sometimes silence is denial, but sometimes it is wisdom. When Jesus was asked by Pilate, “Are you the King of the Jews?”, he answered, “It is as you say.”
But when Herod questioned him, he “answered him nothing.” Luke 23:1-12
You don’t have to chase anyone down screaming Merry Christ-mas. Not just because the holidays are over, but because the culture war you are commissioned to fight is within your own body.
Sometimes silence is denial, but sometimes it is wisdom.
I’ve been contemplating hell for the last year and a half, and I’ll post about that soon. But first, I wanted to share some thoughts about Heaven. Just musings. I don’t need any of this to be true.
I sat under a tenderhearted pastor who believed we wouldn’t sleep in heaven because we wouldn’t have the time. God would reveal to us how much he loves us, for infinity, by excitedly taking us all over a creation without oppression. “Here, let me show you another thing I made for you! Wait until you see this!”
If you think humans are creative, imagine all the wonder and majesty in a literal heaven. It would probably be sensory overload if we weren’t in new bodies.
But first, a complaint I heard from someone who walked away from practicing the faith was that Christians focus too much on heaven. As though we can live like hell since our eternity is secure. Why suffer here? Let’s just go.
A few ways that heaven-obsessed will manifest is when Christians ignore the temporal needs of others, “Sorry you’re in pain or need money. It won’t be like this in heaven.” And second, confusing the mandate to subdue the earth and animals as rule like a greedy king, instead of stewardship. “Exploit it, burn it. This isn’t our home.”
But, despite that, I want to take a minute amid dreaming and planning for the new year to contemplate the good things God has prepared for those who love him. To dream of eternity.
What Heaven is like
Jesus said no one has ascended to heaven except the one who came from heaven. That was confusing to me because I knew that at least Zechariah stood in the throne room of God while Satan condemned Joshua. I think others have as well. Although, maybe there is a difference between ascending, going where you want, and having a vision or being caught up somewhere without intention.
When I began ghostwriting near-death experiences, I held to these two scriptures. I started out a little dogmatic thinking no one could know what Heaven is like, since the Bible says we can’t imagine it. All we may assume are the hyperbolic and confusing images given to us in Revelation.
But the return-from-heaven stories are surprisingly similar. There are too many common threads to ignore. I read Heaven Is for Real to prepare for my first interview and the scenes were especially intriguing, considering it was a child. (I have heard that some near-death books and stories have been proven false, but just because the great pretender masquerades as an angel of light—it doesn’t mean there are no true angels of light.)
So can we imagine heaven? Here’s the problem with learning a verse and quoting it. If you haven’t looked at the book as a whole (or the Bible as a whole) when you memorize it—you might be missing the meaning.
Look at 1 Corinthians 2:9 again, but include the rest of the thought that got separated into verse 10.
So, God does reveal what he has prepared for us. I just learned it out of out of context.
Anytime you quote a verse, or I post one here, remember that they added the chapters and numbers for ease of reference. And those arbitrary breaks are sometimes why we’ve developed certain understandings. So dig and study. Because when someone says, “Prove it. Where does the Bible say that?” And you glance at the incomplete thought, without cultural context or the details regarding a specific problem Paul was addressing—you can prove all kinds of weird theology. (My subtext here is not just women remaining silent in church. It’s also getting baptized for the dead, and tons of stuff from the Old Testament.) Don’t freak when someone shows you an incomplete thought from the Bible. Dig and study.
Maybe another scripture that helped me believe no one could go to heaven, and return to tell about, is The Rich Man and Lazarus. But as I have contemplated hell differently in the past year, I realize we cherry pick some doctrine out of this parable and reject others—like a sort of not-heaven holding place (Abraham’s Bosom) where you can look across the divide and see how others are doing. And maybe it’s just supposed to be “a simple story illustrating a moral or religious lesson.”
And that right there my friends—looking across the divide in the afterlife—is one question which started it all for my husband and me. “Do you think when we get to heaven we’ll know if someone isn’t there?” The teary unspoken thought, “And still be happy?“
Oh Afflicted and Storm-Tossed One
Sometimes I’m concerned about what I love which will be missing. Besides people, the ocean. Why won’t there be any more sea? My husband once said, “Maybe that’s because God throws all our sins into the sea” that he’ll get rid of it. Maybe it’s because when the whole earth is filled with the knowledge of the glory of the Lord—there won’t be room for water anymore. Some say it’s because the only water we’ll need will flow from his throne.
Rather than get hung up on what we don’t want to lose, I’ve learned to trust God for the reasons in the details. Here are a few other things we can consider about the ocean’s absence in heaven.
The ocean is like the wicked and cannot be quiet. It tosses up mud and refuse. Beside our drowned sins, the beast comes out of the sea. But also, the ocean separates lands and territories. It isolates people. And there will be no more isolation in heaven.
What else will be missing
There are other things we worship, highly esteem, or adore here on earth which won’t be there:
Sex/Romance But those who are considered worthy of taking part in the age to come and in the resurrection from the dead will neither marry nor be given in marriage. Luke 20:34-36
Mountains Maybe At least other than His Holy mountain. Every valley shall be raised up, every mountain and hill made low; the rough ground shall become level, the rugged places a plain according to Isaiah 40:4. If this is literal, consider that mountains divide and separate like the sea, and they were also used for idolatry.
Nationalities/Borders/Kingdoms We will be one people group. We will all belong and never be on the wrong side of the fence, railroad tracks, or wall again. Ephesians 2:14.
One thing is for sure, heaven won’t be a shiny version of what we see around us, a mere pseudo-earth 2.0. And there will be no more tears, even if we can’t yet rationalize why.
A verse from Proverbs was often used as a homeschool mantra, “Raise up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”
There’s a treacherous thread of prosperity doctrine woven into this. The assumption is that it’s transactional to raise your children in a God-fearing home and they will grow up to know God.
As though parents can remove the dignity of freewill that God gave to humanity.
The Israelite children who grew up in the desert saw nothing but provision and miracles. They didn’t know that normal shoes wear down each year. They took for granted food dripping from the sky, and the visible proof of God’s presence. On a small scale, this is a child’s understanding when raised in a Christian home, even if parents are clear about life before salvation and where they’ve come from. Even if things are not perfect and you wander as a family in the wilderness.
Experientially, these children only know the plunder of the Egyptians and the hope of the promised land.
In Be Amazed Warren W. Wiersbe writes about this generation of Israelites. He says, “God set them free and guided them to their inheritance, but within one generation after the death of Joshua, the nation turned to a dollar tree, and forsook the Lord.”
One generation.
Sometimes kids who are raised in the church reject it all, knowingly. Sure, they may claim hypocrisy is the reason they left. But, undoubtedly, you, as a parent, didn’t applaud or foster hypocrisy.
Train up a child is a good proverb, but it doesn’t play out that way in many stories of the Bible.
Aaron’s sons were raised up in service to God and saw the original generation of ordination. Maybe they were so comfortable with the temple that they decided they knew enough and could approach God however they wanted. They died in his presence. Leviticus 10:1-2
Samuel’s sons had a godly upbringing in the temple, but took bribes and perverted justice. 1 Samuel 8:1-3
Joseph’s brothers sold him into slavery because of jealousy. Genesis 37
I’m sure all of David’s children, a man after God’s own heart, grew up hearing stories of David’s divine rescues, his praise music and poetry. But David’s son raped his daughter and discarded her when he could have redeemed the situation. 2 Samuel 13:1-32
Admittedly, there were obvious parenting failures in the last two situations. Jacob showed clear favoritism to the first son of his favorite wife, Joseph. And David didn’t deal with his rapist son, so another son took punishment into his own hands when Absalom killed the rapist. So even if David ran after God his whole life, he had moments of failure being an apathetic, inattentive or weak parent.
But Adam was born into a perfect environment with a perfect parent.
Don’t cast judgement by asking the parent of a prodigal their success rate. “Are any of your other kids following the Lord?” As though a higher percentage toward apostasy reflects the home life. Out of God’s first two kids, 100% chose to disobey.
And, actually, so did everyone else after that. None are righteous, no, not one.
Franklin Graham endorsed Prayers for Prodigals, saying that his mother would have loved the book, because he was one. I loved the book because I am not sure where I’d be without the prayers of my mom and grandma.
There is no guarantee that a child raised in a godly home will choose the Lord.
And there’s no guarantee they’ll stay in the wilderness.
This is a companion post to last week’s “Before you Give,” and makes several assumptions. For instance, that you’re celebrating and will exchange gifts. It also assumes that you have space this holiday to think about this unessential part of living.
Because of time, energy, money, or emotion, you may not have been able to prepare for next week like you wanted. There is still one way you can, though. Prepare how you will accept gifts.
Years ago, I gave a sweater to a girl at a going away party. I didn’t know her well. She squealed and exclaimed. It was outrageous how pleased she was, and how much she liked it. I’d never experienced a reaction like that. And I will never forget how much joy it brought me–even though she did it for every single gift.
I’ve seen enough crest-fallen and insulted faces at gift openings. Not always from my gifts. Just from people who don’t like to receive, or don’t know how. I did practice opening gifts with my first son when he was almost two. I taught him to jump up and clap every time he opened a box, and then hug the one who gave it to him. The idea came after my experience giving the sweater, and that Christmas was really fun. (He still only wanted to play with the boxes, though.)
Once, I was asked, “Did you buy me this because I asked for it?” I think his exact words in November had been, “If you buy my anything this year, buy me this.” But, it didn’t matter, since he clearly no longer wanted it.
We always used written lists with my family growing up, and then again when I became a parent. But some never enjoyed the lack of surprise and thoughtfulness which comes from that version of the gift giving tradition.
Mostly, I think it is just difficult to hide all the mixed emotions during the let-down of excess.
But the giver would like a pay-off. And that isn’t selfish, although, it can be. I realize now, it was a demand for performance when we would zoom in on our kids’ faces with a camera, hoping to freeze in time their rapture at a life-changing gift. We have loads of pictures where we can’t tell what was opened because faces are down, trying to decide how they feel about it all. We did it that way because we wanted to capture a moment of their joy to keep.
I can’t think of a Christmas when I didn’t get up hours before dawn to see what Santa brought. I don’t know why I did this. It might have been to keep my initial reaction as my own. Probably it was because I harbor a disobedient spirit. My parents warned me that if I ever found my gifts before Christmas, they would take them all back. Peaking was my way of obeying the “letter of the law” until Christmas Day, but maintaining rebellion in my heart.
It’s hard to be vulnerable enough to receive with thankfulness. Assuming you didn’t grow up as a refugee in a war-torn country, Christmas was probably purer when you were an oblivious kid and thought Santa had unlimited resources. But not for everyone. A woman once shared with me that her earliest feeling about Christmas was that the rich kids she knew must be better behaved than she was. She decided this because Santa brought them nicer presents.
Every tradition can be beautiful in one house and heart, but awkward in another.
Santa, a man who knows everything, has unlimited resources, and sometimes gives you exactly what you want. It can be a romantic imitation of God, or end in tears of betrayal when the lie is revealed. I’m not cynical–that’s how my little sister reacted.
Have you ever wondered what it would be like to return to bliss and believe in a benefactor who had unlimited resources? But here’s the catch, it can be hard to receive from God, too. This has to do with humility, assumptions and expectations.
I think sometimes we relate the quirky interactions here on earth with how God must be. But, God is not man.
Expectations and Assumptions
Have you ever thought, “If something good happens, then something bad must happen”? Or have you ever hear people say, “If I become a Christian, I’ll have to become a missionary in Africa”? Today’s version is more like: I’ll have to give up my identity to follow God.
It may look like that from the outside–but it’s more like clinging to God tighter than anything else. And then when you have held onto something real, you loosen your grip on all the “else.”
Having a cost is not the same as transaction.
The point is, it’s possible to be too full of expectation to receive a gift. God does not give like the world. It is not a transaction, requiring payment. He doesn’t dose equal amount of bad in our lives to balance the good. He doesn’t even require us to accept. He just waits at the door. God gives without obligation.
The things you relinquish, like your fears and your lusts, are on your own timing. That’s why some people can be believers for decades and still need milk instead of flourishing. If we understand this freedom, we can become better at receiving all the things God has for us. And receive from others.
This post has made assumptions of privilege, but assumptions don’t have a place in gift giving.
Don’t assume the giver is obligated.
Don’t assume that the giver doesn’t know you, see you, or want to bless you.
Don’t assume you will owe them something.
Just receive.
Out of obligation
Some shoppers have a goal to purchase all gifts before December first. I once heard that my grandma started buying in January. This made more sense a century ago when we lived heirloom lives, instead of the disposable lives we live now.
I don’t know many people who long for things, because most of us get what we want within a pretty short time frame–or at least a plastic version of it. Again, this shows the privileged culture.
Even if the giver bought you something ages ago, that you never wanted, and gave it just because it is tradition to give gifts, you can still receive it with thanksgiving. Even if they felt obligated, they aren’t. They didn’t have to give you anything. You are only responsible for your reaction, and no one else’s actions or motivations.
To be known
We want gifts that show we are known and seen. In my post last week, I mentioned that I’d given books that I’d loved. I have often given things that I wanted myself.
When God gives you something, it’s about you. When humans give you something, it isn’t always. Sometimes it’s about them. And why isn’t that OK? Not knowing the hidden places of your heart and your secret desires (or spoken desires) does not mean that they do not want to know you.
Sometimes a gift is just an “I was thinking about you trinket.”
If you want to be searched and known…don’t look on earth.
Transactional: no expectations or obligation
Sometimes we are not good at receiving because we assume the gift comes with a price. Often they do. At least the expectation that you will enjoy it, or the requirement of a thank you card. Yeah, sometimes there are expectations. But recompense is up to you. Even if the consequence is their despair, loss of relationships…or no more gifts.
Again, you can’t control their motives. And wanting to control them is the same kind of weird transaction they are attempting. Be free. You are only responsible for yourself.
Be humble in words, if not feelings
Not everything should be about you, even your gift. Maybe the giver just loves to shop and doesn’t have a place to put it all. But even if they are a compulsive buyer, and just get a thrill from purchasing, they gave it to you for a reason.
Set aside your expectations. Set aside your assumptions. Just receive with humility.
Even more humility if you don’t need it, want it, understand why they gave it to you, or it’s a near-miss from what you really wanted.
And if you care to offer a gift back to them, more than just saying thanks, visibly enjoy the process.
Here is another post I lost last year. The sequel will come next week. Happy December!
Before You Give
Originally Posted December 12, 2022
I scratched this post last week, because I was still working it out in my heart. I want to preface, “Before You Give” and next week’s, “Before you Receive” posts with the caveat that I do neither well. So it’s coming from a broken place.
They also take a great deal of privilege for granted. Talking about gift giving assumes you are not at war, or barely surviving. It assumes you have someone to give a gift to, or someone to spend a holiday with. It assumes that there is enough space in your life to think about this extraneous part of the holiday.
My sister and I have a birthday three days apart. We mostly celebrated together, and I often received the same gift as her for both birthday and Christmas, even though she was two years younger. If I put something attainable on my list, my parents always bought it for me. I don’t have hurt there. But I didn’t always have a request. My sister was better about goals, and knowing what she wanted.
When I was around eight years old, she presented me with a gift at our joint family party. She would have been six. It shocked me because I hadn’t even considered getting her something. Who helped her? Where did she get the money? So, I went to my room and crawled out the window. I walked to the store and bought her a notepad. It wasn’t special or pretty, just something to ease a feeling I didn’t have words to explain. I got in trouble when I came home because I hadn’t told anyone where I’d gone.
This doesn’t mean I bought her something the following year, I honestly can’t remember.
I enjoy giving, I really do. But maybe because I don’t function with clutter in my space, buying trinkets feels like I might burden someone. But then, I think of the Christmas (and other) decorations I’ve been given, and I renege. I am a little jealous of people who bring beautiful things into their world. Nevertheless, it makes me slow to shop in December.
I actually prefer to give money, but it’s quite anti-climatic when two people exchange checks. I’m also a little jealous of people who give well.
The surplus of it all
I’m sure I’ve mentioned the book When Helping Hurts by Steven Corbett before. A favorite revelation for me was that Westerners tend to associate wealth with material goods, but ignore other shortages like poverty of community. America is just as impoverished as the rest of the world, but we value our wealth, and dis-value their.
A friend once told me that her church took up an offering for the poor. She went through her own possessions to contribute to the box waiting in the foyer. But when the church’s collection bin arrived at her house, she realized, for the first time, that her family was poor. Here’s a pull on internal organ strings: the items were mostly unfit for the second hand store. Used and worn out.
Poverty
She didn’t know she was poor until someone else decided her family needed more crap.
Hallmark has informed me I should slow down at Christmas and focus on what truly natters. But I still struggle with the first-world mindset that abundance and lack are tangible things. Abundance means parties, decorations, food and gifting more than pondering Immanuel. At least, holiday abundance does.
I don’t pretend that Christmas is another skirmish in the war, since it was pagan holiday first, and Christ was likely born in September. Also, our role isn’t to mandate God’s kingdom of peace, but that’s another topic. It helps me to think of Christmas as redeemable, not reclaimable. I know those are practically synonyms, but I mean making something that is broken into something that is whole as opposed to reclaiming control over something that “used to be good.”
If you ever think, meh, this month–know that you don’t have to glorify December to be a Christian. Neither is one day or month enough to contemplate that almighty ether God took on the boundary of human flesh. God with us calls for year-round awe and wonder.
Still, gifts are a significant part of December.
Gifts
In the past, I’ve bought books as gifts. I love books even if I am more likely to loan them out than collect them. Because, that requires clutter, or more shelves. But, when I’ve given books that changed my paradigm, they were seen as back-handed insults. Granted, a title like The Emotionally Destructive Relationship might seem to imply that the recipient had a need I could see, and they don’t. When in reality, it’s just that brain candy books don’t often challenge my perspective.
All this has made me ponder the statement that it is “It is more blessed to give than to receive.” I’ve always assumed that was because you had something to give, instead of being the one who was in need. And isn’t that a blessing? Again, that’s through my lens of abundance and lack being tangible things.
Giving without a weird motive
You’ll always have a motive when you give. Sometimes you’ll just want to perform recompense and take part in tradition. Usually, you want to surprise and bless someone. Most often, you’ll want to give someone something they didn’t know they needed or wanted.
But motives go deeper. Sometimes you want to convey that you know them, and you want to show them how much you really see them. This becomes more difficult the further you are from the person in either proximity or relationship. In this case, there’s always the candle.
A few years back someone at a shop I frequented gave me a lengthy complaint about her kids regulating what she permitted to give her grandchildren that Christmas. She said they wanted gift cards, outings, or money. So entitled! It incensed her that she couldn’t wrap something up and watch the kids open it. She felt like her children were stealing joy from her. Mid-rant, she switched gears to talk about how cluttered their house was, and how many toys her grandkids had. She wanted the joy of giving them something they didn’t know they needed or wanted, but she didn’t see her family’s needs and wants herself.
The only time you can really give someone something that they don’t know they needed or wanted is when there is a great disparity of wealth and knowledge, like, when your kids are less than five years old. And thinking there is a disparity can originate from either kindness, or arrogance. That’s something else in the book When Helping Hurts, when you descend upon someone claiming that you understand their lack, and know how to fix it, yet are blind to your own lack, then you cause harm.
When I gave books that were important to me, I think I made the gift about me instead of about the recipient. (Next week’s post, we’ll talk about receiving.) You can donate year-end gifts to reduce your tax liability, or you can donate out of compassion. The motive effects you, but it does matter to God as well. You can give because you feel obligated, because you want to receive thanks, or because you know what they need and will improve their life. And for all of you who give well: you can give because you love. You give because you want to.
The recipient still gets the gift.
Giving without control
We had a youth pastor as a friend who mentioned that he never gave to his own ministry. He said that if he did, he would still have control over the money. He believed the point of tithing was to relinquish control of your money, because it is humbling to let power leave your hands and to say to God that he is more valuable to you.
Giving gifts is like that. If you give, the recipient doesn’t have to treasure it. They don’t have to thank you. They can sell it and spend it on riotous living. If you are concerned that the gift will be spent on cheap thrills and fast food, don’t give it. Because once you have handed it over, it’s theirs, to re-gift, discard, or put on a shelf.
The difference your motive makes, takes place inside of you. There is nothing wrong with the simple motivation of tradition. But since I will always have a motive, I want to check it honestly.
And sometimes, gift giving includes paying for something you don’t value, or want to spend money on, because it’s what the other person really wants.
